We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
