I can tuck mytits in my pants
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize