She's JV to your varsity
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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