I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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