Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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