If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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