she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
