All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
