also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
