I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
