So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
