Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How does one acquire holy water?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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