I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
