Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
