The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
