Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
