Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
