i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
