She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
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I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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