Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
