Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
