i don't like sucking hair
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
