Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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