at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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