There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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