what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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