This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
