He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
