last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize