i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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