it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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