is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
