watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
