I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
