Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.