Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
you are never too drunk for berry picking
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.