Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.