So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
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It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
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Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...