im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
