Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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