It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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