We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
