Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
