One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
