You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
