Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
