I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
