I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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