like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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