I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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