would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
