What did we do last night that was yellow?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
