The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Randomize
