Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
