Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
