so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
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i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
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Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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