Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think my vagina is haunted
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
