I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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