This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
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His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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