She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I want to fling myself into the sun
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize