I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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