i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
