Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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